You know that saying “too much of a good thing”? Do you think that might be how Santa feels on Christmas Eve? I mean the poor man (elf?) is traveling for 32 hours straight, at 1,800 miles per second, through freezing cold air. Maybe cookies are a welcome treat for the first few hours, but by the millionth sugary bite, I’m sure some other kinds of snacks would be not only desired, but also required. Cause let’s face it: a sugar high will only take you so far before you come crashing down, bringing your mood and productivity with it. Being that we all have a vested interest that Santa make it to our houses with lots of good cheer and gifts in tow, let’s reconsider what we offer at the bottom of our chimneys. The below snacks and beverages are based on lessons I learned through mastering the art of the all-nighter in college and also my nutritional takeaways from my days of racing in long distance triathlons; in other words, sound science.
RedBull – Look, I know this isn’t exactly nutritionally sound, but there’s really nothing like Red Bull to power you through a long night and even into the morning. Sure, you might be a little cracked out the next day, but that’s the price you pay for endless hours of glorious, high energy, productive wings.
5-Hour Energy Shots – I once saw Jerry Seinfeld do live stand up and his observational humor brought up an excellent point about these tiny caffeine laden shots: “5 hours is a weird amount of time. If you need five hours of energy, take a nap!” True enough. But Santa doesn’t have the luxury of napping, does he? And 5 hours of energy is better than falling asleep at the sleigh wheel, is it not? So if you live in the later time zones – like US Eastern time or US Central time – consider leaving these under your chimney to help give Santa the last little “push” he needs.
Are you disgusted by my unhealthy suggestions? Fine, have it your way. There’s also:
Hot Brodo – We’ve already imagined that Santa would serve hot bone broth to his team of elves as part of their Christmas staff meal. Why? Cause it’s warming, delicious, and super nutritious. Since Santa probably doesn’t have time to sit at your hearth and sip the soup, I suggest putting it in a thermos so he can take it to-go (I’m sure he’ll return it next Christmas).
Justin Nut Butter Squeeze packs – I throw these in my purse to help me get through my mid-day energy slump and they’re just perfect: light weight, easy to eat with one hand (perfect to eat while guiding sleighs, for example!), yummy, and loaded with healthy fats and protein. These squeeze packs are found in the pockets of people around the world who are enduring extremes, including people who are climbing Everest.
Sport Beans – You know what else might work great? Extreme Sport Jelly Beans designed for endurance athletes. These tiny energy producing factories contain a good balance of carbs, electrolytes, and vitamins to help Santa’s stressed body make it through 32-hours of insanity. There are even some that come laced with caffeine!
Hot Toddy – Does a hot toddy help power you through the night? Not really. But toddy’s are a great way to ensure a good night’s sleep and ease any sign of a sore throat Santa might be feeling after a night of flying through freezing cold air at light speed. If you live anywhere toward the end of this travels, consider this warming treat.
One last thought: I always neglected to think about the poor reindeer who are pulling millions of tonnes worth of presents through the stratosphere. Luckily many people are more thoughtful than me and leave out carrots. But, you know what? I am going to go ahead and say these herculean creatures deserve better and need more: how about those who can start leaving out a combination of oats, maize, alfalfa, soy oil and sugar beet pulp, just like thoroughbred race horses get to eat? As always, there’s a bit of self interest in here: Rudolph and his friends might be able to carry even more presents for us all with that kind of nutritional help.